She was elusive.
She was today. She was tomorrow.
She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower,
the flitting shadow of an elf owl.

We did not know what to make of her.
In our minds we tried to pin her to corkboard like a butterfly,
but the pin merely went through
and away she flew.
- Jerry Spinelli

Please view me in Firefox.

The kind of song that you don't want to admit liking.
BUT IT'S SO CATCHY!
Speaking of how the kitchen isn't quite the place for sound Mathematical logic, let me see a show of hands of who knows what buttermilk is.

Ooh! Ooh! I know, I know! Butter AND milk, right? Or at least something delightfully creamy with a subtle note of savory. Final answer, lock it in.

TEEEEEET! Wrong!

Alas, alas. My hopes were dashed and my logic foiled. Wikipedia defined Buttermilk as "a fermented dairy product produced from cows' milk with a characteristically sour taste."

Ain't quite what I imagined, that's for sure. And another trip to the grocery store is in order.
You know what they say, sipping a warm mug of milk or hot chocolate helps send you to slumberland. My sleepless mind pondered upon it, and wondered if... the same chemical reaction could be triggered by something that has both milk and chocolate in it: Chocolate Ice Cream!

Alas, Chemistry isn't Mathematics. Had it worked, I wouldn't have been here, typing this, would I?

Would you want a destination wedding in Africa? Well, two German children did. Here's their ridiculously cute story...

Two German kids--Mika, six, and Anna Bell, seven--were in love and wanted to get hitched. So they decided to fly to Africa to tie the knot, according to Sky News.

Along with Mika's five-year-old sister, Anna-Lena, they packed suitcases with food, swimsuits, sunglasses and even an inflated pool float. In the early morning of January 1st, while their parents slept in, the three adventurers sneaked out of their house in the German suburbs and took a tram to the train station.

A guard noticed the kids and thought it was weird that they were carrying so much swim gear. After all, it was the dead of winter! He called over two police offers, who managed to convince the not-so-happy couple that they probably couldn't get to Africa without, uh, money or plane tickets.

"We wanted to take the train to the airport, and then catch a plane. Then we would unpack, and get married once we arrived. Then we wanted to go for a little holiday," Mika explained, disappointed.

How cute is that?!! See a little video of the young lovers here!

Story via Auburn & Ivory



Days With My Father by Phillip Toledano


Katie Kirkpatrick, 21, held off cancer to celebrate the happiest day of her life. Breathing was difficult now; she had to use oxygen. The pain in her back was so intense it broke through the morphine. Her organs were shutting down but it would not stop her from marrying Nick Godwin, 23, who had been in love with Katie since 11th grade. Five days later, Katie died.

Photo essay by Romain Blanquart
Don't know what it is? Neither did I. However, I'm somewhat familiar with some of the claims it made. Do visit the following link, the article and the website itself prove quite a meaty read.

http://www.gotquestions.org/zeitgeist-movie.html
Face it. We live in an age where everyone is an aspiring photographer. While I don't see anything wrong with splurging on a DSLR, and in fact, I do want one myself should it miraculously rain down from heaven, there's something that's just intolerable.

Upon transferring your photographs into the computer, many go through the editing phase. The problem is, some people think that sliding the contrast and saturation level to the absolute maximum so that everything looked burnt off, is a form of art. Sure, the lens is a mean for everyone to see the world the way you see it, but what's with the excessive adjustments? Is the world far too pale that you have to edit it thus?

It is a disgrace to society, and the name of Art. And to the ubiquitous "YOURNAMEHERE Photography/Portraiture/..." watermark that they tag on to their pictures.

And then they'd put it up on facebook, and set their status to something like:

... IS STARTING TO PACK FOR GOING TO UK/WALES DAY AFT 2MORROW. IT'S GOING TO BE MY DAD-IN-LAW 80th B'DAY. CAN'T WAIT AS ABT 80 PPL (all relatives of my hubby) WILL BE ATTENDING THE CELEBRATION FROM S'PORE (US), PERTH AND ALL OVER ENGLAND. PRAISE THE LORD.......

And yes, I'm enough of a bitch to directly copy and pasted it straight out of the mouth of one of my Mom's friends. I mean, WHO CARES? OK, so I do care, cause obviously I got worked up from reading it and ended up here.
*ahem* Point is, slapping "praise the Lord" at the end doesn't make it a testimony. No, honey, you're just showing off, and please don't delude yourself by pretending that your purpose of posting was to glorify God's name.

You know what pisses me off about it? Is that these are the kind of people that my mom used to hang out with when she was in Singapore. Now she's back in Indonesia, but her brainwashed mind refused to change... yes, my attempt of intervention was far too late. All the peer pressure got to her head and now she lives with a front that is Facebook. OK, maybe it ain't so bad, but still, it's aggravating!

That aside, let me wrap up with a moral of the story. What's that phrase again?
All things in moderation. Even moderation.
This is the kind of blog post I never thought I'd write in a million years. No, make that a billion.

I've always thought that my singing voice, while not beautiful was decent. I pride myself in the little techniques that choir had equipped me with. After all, I got the concept of using my diaphragm and switching to my head voice right off the bat during my first ever choir practice in first grade. I have a good sense of rhythm and harmony, and I've always had a secret desire to contribute and sing for the church. It seems like God has a different plan, though. Back in our church in San Francisco, I joined the worship team, they loved me, but after a couple of services, I had to move to San Diego. And the church here claimed that they have too many singers... but seriously, I can imagine that if Mr. Kwei (our conductor) was ever there during practice / service, with his arms crossed and lips pursed, he would raise up his eyebrows and walk out the door.

On Sunday, we had a guitar hero get together after church, and someone brought the whole set: the drum, the guitar and the microphone. I called dibs on the guitar during Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle" and was shredding it on Expert (yes, my guitar hero skills imminently comes with dating Jake) when one of the leaders, who happens to be a keyboardist in the worship team said that one of my friends has such great voice and should join the team. Someone else chimed in and said that he's been encouraging her to, too. And the girl in question has always said that she looks up to me cause I have what she says such beautiful voice. And I was bludgeoned. I was... hurt? I don't know, it's like having someone else live your dreams right in front of your eyes. And you know what's ironic? The lyrics of the song. Read it:

Hey,
Don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.

[Chorus]
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright. (alright)

Hey,
You know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, (on your own)
So don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough (good enough)
For someone else.

[Chorus x2]

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out, (feel left out)
Or looked down on.
Just do your best, (just do your best)
Do everything you can. (do everything you can)
And don't you worry what their bitter hearts (bitter hearts)
Are gonna say.

[Chorus x2]

I wanted to highlight some of the lines in bold when I realized that, save for the second from last line, I'd have to highlight every single word.

It's hard to accept what the song says, for self pity has its own gravity. It sucks you into your own void, as you hug yourself in a fetal position and your mind wallows in self-induced sorrow. It rips your self-esteem by its seams, cursing and mocking for allowing yourself live in the bubble of deception. It's an extremist, self pity is.

Or perhaps, I'm the extremist. There is love and there is hate, and few if any in between. I don't think so, but if there is any more lesson that I can learn out of this is that I need to be less self critical and remember that why should it matter to me what everyone's opinion is? After all, God has already accepted me just as I am (still easier said than done at this point). And plus, if her voice is pretty, it doesn't mean that mine is ugly by comparison.

And yes, I have grown. I can now acknowledge and confront my weaknesses and distorted mindset... and learn from it :)

Ps. Just a few days before, I sang to Jake on the phone, and he said that I have the most beautiful voice in the world. Aww :) It lifted me up when he said it and maybe that's why it hurt that much when the guitar hero incident happened, cause the higher you are, the more painful the fall. But that's not what important, what really matters is, if he thinks so, why should I care what anyone else thinks?
Dear God, please let your acknowledgment of me matters even more than Jacob's.
If you love me, you'll watch this:




Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent, she's beyond words.
It brings tears to my cheeks :)

I Dreamed a Dream - Le Miserables

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high,
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

Then I was young and unafraid
When dreams were made and used,
And wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung,
No wine untasted.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hopes apart
As they turn your dreams to shame.

And still I dream he'll come to me
And we will live our lives together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms
We cannot weather...

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seems
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.

Phoebe Pauline Valentine Kribben Sugiharto 朱宝玲, B.S.
110888
Eldest of 3
UCSD Psychology, class of 2008
University of Cambridge, King's College, summer of 2007
TKSS, class of 2004
ICHS, class of 2006, left on 2001
San Diego, California

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Picture courtesy of Eliara.
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with much ColorSchemer tweaking fun.
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