She was elusive.
She was today. She was tomorrow.
She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower,
the flitting shadow of an elf owl.

We did not know what to make of her.
In our minds we tried to pin her to corkboard like a butterfly,
but the pin merely went through
and away she flew.
- Jerry Spinelli

Please view me in Firefox.

First of all,
WELCOME BACK, ELEANOR! I bet you'll get to NUS with a scholarship or something ;). Do write more for my sake, m'kay? You're my source, my inspiration... haha... don't you realize that the more you abstain from blogging, the crappier my blog gets?

Haha... oh and I wanna thank all of you reading this. Yesterday I secretly installed this web counter thing and the feedback astounds me. 54 people visited Uncreative Unlimited yesterday and 37 (and counting) have been here today. That, and this month's Friendster feedback:



Funny how the number '37' keeps occuring.

I know it's nothing much, but to someone as invisible as I am, it's seriously a surprise of the century. Really guys, you just can't flatter me more :D :D :D. Now that leads back to the issue of how much should I hold back from the blog. But no matter, I'm too ecstatic to be bothered at the moment.

This, incidentally, is one of the happiest days of my life. UCSD has taught me what happiness is. And I'm not just being dramatic. It showed me how it feels to succumb to the pits of depression, leading me to think that I'm the most incompetent Psychology major there could ever be. Yet somehow, with resilliency which comes out of nowhere (not implying that I haven't been procrastinating, still), I was motivated to work harder to the extent that my dearest (funny how affections can so easily change, huh?) MCWP teacher PRAISED my essay. Ok, so not the entire essay but he did mention that I have some good points worth pursuing. That elated me more than most things, seriously. It makes it seem that all the thousand-five-hundred calories I consumed to study for today's Psychology 101 paper all worthwhile (a whole box of sushi rolls, a bottle of Arizona Pina Colada, two bars of Crunch and two bars of Hershey's cookies and cream). What's the link you say? Mmm... it's being rewarded for the effort you invested into your studies. As you most probably have guessed, or know anyway, I've never put much effort into my studies and thus rewards have never tasted so good. Moral of the story: put your max into what you do, people... cause when it's time to reap what you sow, you'll be surprised :).

That, and ask someone to change your MSN password when the exam period draws near so that you won't be able to sign in at all. And yeah, that's my tip of the day. Oh and... chocolate is good for studying. It has all those... sugar... endrogen... something... something... goodness that gives a significant spurt in your blood sugar level and thus helps you concentrate through one way or another. However, don't forget to jog around the block and burn those excess fats once your exams are over!


Alright, time to slave for the rest of the 23 pages for that Muir Writing course.
What would you do if you were alone in the library (alone in the context of not being with anyone you know) without MSN Messenger ('cos you no longer know the password - and proud of it) and were so nervous that your brain risks being blown off from your head because your heart is pounding that furiously (think: when you bang the table, some of the objects on the table can jump as a result - i'm no Physics major; I have no idea what this is called)? You'd follow your instinct to blog of course!

That, and observe that eagle soaring around the panoramic expanse of the clear, blue sky on the other side of the glass pane, feeling a tug of envy cause they seem so carefree to have nothing better to do than fly around all day while you're inside, burried under a stupendous amount of materials to absorb. With a verbal diarrhoea. And collywobbles that I'm trying to purge with a cup of steaming hot coffee - which doesn't work of course.

Oh wait, there are two eagles. Maybe it's the mating season.
I'm back.

I had a conversation with a friend just a few minutes ago and something climbed its way into my mind, gnawing its way through my cranium and disturbing me so much that I just had to make my way to blogger-dot-com and begin typing. This isn't just another excuse, seriously.

She's only started working a couple of months ago and already, she sounds... different. There was something in her voice that resembles much like wariness... you know - that voice that grown ups have. Her tone sounds much constricted, devoid of its usual dynamics, scarce of the harmony that used to ring in the air, sonorous as a wind chime.

How much longer will I be able to hold on? How much longer before "maturity" as they call it robs me away from my whimsical fancies?
Easier said than done.
I ended up watching Noblo and a handful of other IPEKA productions (do check them out at Youtube) and I just can't get any prouder of that dear school of mine. Ok, this time I'm gone for real.



Ps. Cul, gw berhasil nemuin itu Love of My Life .doc dari archive email gw... karena pada suatu ketika, I backed up "my most important files" seblon reformating my computer for the nth time and voila (remember Leslie?)! There it was :).
Urm... do pardon that earlier post. *giggles nervously*

Anyway, Pauline will be on hiatus till next Wednesday. do whack my head off if there's any indication that i'm online within that timeframe (friendster, msn, ...). Can't wait for it to be over? Me too, and I've barely started studying. So yeah, all the best to my fellow muggers!

Cheers,
Pauline
(not so cranky this time... turned out that she slept soundly after moronically, self-absorbedly and ultra-childishly devising a thousand and one ways to commit suicide - all because she couldn't sleep for an hour)
dear God,
if she was the one who has to stay up all night to do her work (and still chatted the night away instead of working on her paper), why is it that i'm the one who cannot sleep? don't you know that i need all the sleep i can get with that blasted mcwp homework to do and the freaking psych exam coming up? i can't blame her cos i've been in her shoes and that's exactly what i did. so yeah, you're my only channel open. what's so wrong with letting me sleep with the lights on anyway? i don't ask for much, really. just put me to sleep; i don't mind even if i never get to wake up again. my joints ache all over and my eyeballs feel like popping out SO WHY IS IT THAT I'M STILL WIDE AWAKE?

pls la... i hate you, can?

signed,
pauline
(who's fricking up at 6.30 in the morning with only 3 hours of sleep and can't seem to sleep anymore even though she actually tried to sleep at 12am today)

Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; Perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways; Perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; Perhaps...perhaps...love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.

Again guys, no implication whatsoever, so please, don't go around probing my life, fabricating stories as you do. I've been spending my Thanksgiving lazing around on my bed reading the books I can barely touch since school starts. Don't you just love holidays? Maybe it's just me but... even the air you breath in during these kind of days smells... different.
Why do you have to loathe me so? Don't you realize? Your eyes glint red as you obsess yourself with that feigned hatred you dart my way. Think you that I'm but a prop whose beauty pales before yours? A catalyst for others to exclaim "dear God, do bless her soul for taking such a hideous being under her wing"?

I know, you want me to cower and unclasp my hands from my chest and reveal the scarlet that surges. That's exactly what Lesage and Hooper want, after all. I'm not to yield as Kingshaw did though, I'd still pretend me strong; that your spit never did hit bullseye. I know it'd heighten your aggravation but I intend naught losing this power struggle. I'd fortify my castle in your face even if I dare not attack. Funny how I'm most vulnerable to the weapon I designed myself.

I'm sorry if you get to read this. I hope you understand. This is me. Yes I am weak. Yes, I'm vulnerable. So please do, have mercy on my soul.




By the way, I see myself in you; you too, are vulnerable to this. Careful, dear friend.
Btw guys, this is a very duh thing but please, do remember that bad breath is a total turn off. How are you supposed to have a conversation when you can't even breathe as you try to hold your breath and all?
http://blog.central.is/_mcfly_

One very important URL to all you McFly fans out there.
Motion in the Ocean is a WICKED cd btw, everyone should listen to it ;)
Tagged by Chii... but I'm not in the mood of filling those questionnaires thing... Sorry Chii... and thanks so much, I miss you too :)

Oh and I had the first chat with Mei Xuan in a thousand years... and she said that she used "joie de vivre" in her General Paper "A" Level exam. I'm flattered (:

Also, huggles to all you people out there who actually reads this blog. Thanks man, really appreciate it.
It's officially the Thanksgiving Weekend, the equivalent of Spring Break... only better. It's the traditional festive of getting together, surrounded with those stuff-yourself-silly feasts of roasted turkey, honey-glazed ham, buttery stuffing, mashed potato and gravy, cranberry sauce (made famous by Ikea), the lesser-eaten side dishes like green beans and of course desserts which can pump your blood sugar level WAY high. Everyone's got a plan for Thanksgiving... and so does Pauline.
...
...
Sure you wanna hear it?
...
...
You'll get jealous, I'm sure!
...
...
Persistent aren't we?
...
...
...
...
Fine. I give up. Pauline's plan for Thanksgiving features: sleeping all day long and studying till she just can't sleep anymore. Yay! Aren't you jealous? Lol.

Fine, so it is pathetic as compared to everyone else's road trips, Vegas vacations and all those joyous skiing at Lake Tahoe. But hey (don't try this at home, kids... using 'but' as the first word in a sentence i mean), people have different preferences, right? In Pauline's dictionary, doing something she can't do on an ordinary day (namely sleeping and studying) IS a great way to spend a holiday. Whoever said that I was normal anyway?



Oh... only about... US$8k each... and we're not talking about the diamond studded ones here.
I swear, the students at UCSD must be undercover fashion policemen or something. All of them just HAVE TO apparate out of the blue when I trudge to school like the zombified being that I am: eyebags dominating my disfigured features... patches of rags which just mistmatch; it's as if I'm screaming "for our sake, close your eyes, ms. horrendous is passing by!". Well, I admit, I never do dress up for school, looking like a total clown each day. After all, I don't mind not looking like the most glamorous diva on campus (hey, what are my chances?) but I do mind if I have to scamper around all day, hiding behind one tree and the next fearing that another plethora of acquintances would somehow sprout out from the ground, to witness a freak of nature the way they would watch one in a circus, a hopelessly FUGLY friend namely yours truly, and to try to hide their shudder of disgust. One question pertains. WHY TODAY? Why, on my first day of wearing sneakers to school in well over a year and a half? Show some compassion ok? I'm trying to shield your eyes here!

The sneakers by the way, is an issue on its own. My metabolism level was WAY LOW when I woke up this morning after barely an hour of forty winks after a night-long of wasting my time and not freaking touching my homework. Imagine, everyone was wearing T-Shirts and I would be freezing under my hoodie. God, I'm such an exile. And what does this dork do to boost her metabolism level? Drink her concoction of coffee, a hint of Bailey's and loadsa milk of course - scourging her dying neurons with the alcohol, totally defeating the purpose of doing her homework since the poor cells have all seethed out into the abyss. Not to mention the sleep-inducing effect of alcohol which counterbalances the caffeine... and all those sugar and... and... and...

Call me hypochondriac but I think I feel that my skull is getting... numb. A numbskull, literally. Oh and now it has spread to my left hand. Yay for the biggest idiot alive! And yeah, I do think that it's all about me.

Oh and pardon the diction, you'd get cranky too if you don't get enough sleep... and don't worry, I don't expect you to slap me, I can relate to the disgust of having to touch someone so detestable.

Now, to finally get some work done. 6 pages to go, and counting.
i'm eating so much that i should invest in a corsage.


oh... and i blame it on that blasted MCWP homework.
and not my lack of discipline.
nope, not a bit.
(*@!&$(*#&)%#W_)%*#W%)_#@*%)#@%*!
they say that black goes with everything...
but really, it's RICE that truely do go with everything.

rice should be the new black.


(and that shabu-shabu sauce that my bowl of rice goes SO well with should be the new white)
This is my confession.
I haven't been completely open to anyone about this, not even myself. And now I'm confused, thoroughly so, not knowing what is right anymore. I wasn't trying to deceive anyone, you see, it's just that there're so many dimensions involved what I told each of you is what I see as the truth at that time. I can't reveal much but really, it's just a part of my self-actualization.

Do pardon me for being "secretive". I don't wanna cause more misunderstandings.
And yeah. That's what the Baileys' glass is called.
Someone's craving for alcohol.
Pauline is finally, unavoidably eighteen. Gone are the days of singing "I am 16 going on 17" or feeling somewhat flattered as I sing along to McFly's "That Girl" (that part with "she looks incredible / just turned seventeen"). I'm legally 18, with full-blown responsibilities of having to buckle up (no longer will I be free from the penalty if caught without a seat belt saith the California rule), a credit history that's still in the making and the full freedom to party my nights away.

Which I did. For one full night at least. Pauline got to attend the U Party in Hollywood Music Box, LA after a last minute shopping at South Coast Plaza, the largest mall I've ever been in. The party wasn't that bad, plus, it has a lot of plus points from the numerous of friends I met... including those which I didn't know were already in America. There were a couple of friends from my secondary school back in Singapore, Singapore church friends, and also DVC + ex-DVCians alike.

The party was fun while it lasted, everything felt right, drank a couple of cups of some funny sounding cocktails like Adios, Motherf*cker. It got me somewhat high but I assure you, I have perfect coherence of what was going on and only slightly impaired judgement (one which lags for half a second). Yet somehow, everyone else thought that I was insane for going with a guy they assumed was a Vietnamese... who actually turned out to be a friend from DVC. They were so worried that that "Vietnamese" guy might drag me into a motel and rape me or something. Sweet of them but hillarious in restrospect.

On that note, I'm still battling against the ongoing onslaught of shame, guilt and regrets. Seriously though, what the heck did I do? The atmosphere was overpowering enough to drive me dancing like some horny hag. Maybe it ain't that bad... but seriously, I'm new to this kind of dancing and I've never known that I had something so... wrong, so unausterous and unorthodoxical within me. Gooodness! Try to put yourself in my (size 5.5) shoes. I've recently turned 18, uncomfortable even with some hiphop movements as I find them somewhat obscene, clubbing for the first time, and knew exactly that I was going 180 degrees against whatever I've been indoctrinated with BUT still did it anyway cause it felt right back then. Pardon me for being such a goody-two-shoe-slash-Puritan-gone-wrong.

Tracking back now, the birthday celebration was awesome by the way. The atmosphere was just so dreamy... dimmed lights, rose petals, scented candles and all. Drank two (plastic) cups of sake, a cup of Baileys plus two shots of tequila and woke up with severe allergic reactions - flaming rashes that itched so bad even up to this day, worsened by whatever vile liquids I sloshed down during the party. Hmm... maybe I am allergic to alcohol after all.



Anyways, in the evening of my birthday I had a buffet dinner with a twenty-something group of friends in Barona (a casino for 18 and above - really making full use of my 18 years old status, eh?). The food was fine, the company was awesome. I SO enjoy being 18 thus far!

And I've learned my lesson. I shall not party that often... and I shall officially divorce drinking from my lifestyle. Goodbye Mr. Bailey :(!

Ps. More pics in my Friendster.
Pps. This is post #300, yay me!
Pale dissatisfactions block the sides,
and I see watery eyes under their curtains,
trapped in changeling dreams.
There are waves of dark intensity,
but if I fly,
I could see misfortune's face and smile.
It is despite love, my love.
Sing me a song for sleep,
and wane the winds.
I am driftwood in the sky,
uncaring of breathless space or useless ground.
There are better wings than this.

(c) Megan Phillips



Pauline has proudly pre-ordered McFly's 3rd album, Motion in the Ocean all the way down from the UK!
3 more days to go to and 3 more posts to hit 300.

That 'weary' imood has been there forever and I still don't feel like changing it. The midterms are over so it's time for me to focus on the papers, losing the pounds I got from studying (think: low metabolism rate credits to not sleeping plus all that binge-eating) and to tidy up the whole house since I didn't have the chance to during the study period. Wish that I won't have to go through this kind of periods again =(. There was a period of 72 hours where I only slept for a total of 5 hours. Twisted.

Oh and all the sudden I feel somewhat... lonely. There's not a soul in which I can pour my heart to, to complain and nag about every single irksome thing. Haha... I AM childish, that's why I don't wanna grow up, EVER! Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way but... I do find it a bother if there's something big and I can't vent it out. Complaining is my one last chance of expressing that I do /mind/ some things such as when people are stepping on my rights but I'm too unassertive to express it. Now, does that not make me sound like a hypocrite? Yeap, Pauline is such a loser.



Oh another note, do check this out:
http://www.zpub.com/notes/black-work.html
You might end up being a luddite yourself ;).

Très adorable!





Damier Azur from Louis Vuitton, released Nov 1, 06.


Disclaimer: The song is superdably catchy. Side effects may include receiving funny glances from people as you walk down the road with a kampong-Singapura song.


If you're used to such treatment anyway, do visit http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Singapore :)

Phoebe Pauline Valentine Kribben Sugiharto 朱宝玲, B.S.
110888
Eldest of 3
UCSD Psychology, class of 2008
University of Cambridge, King's College, summer of 2007
TKSS, class of 2004
ICHS, class of 2006, left on 2001
San Diego, California

Best viewed at 1024 x 768
Picture courtesy of Eliara.
Meticulously hand-coded by yours truly,
with much ColorSchemer tweaking fun.
(c) 012509

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