She was elusive.
She was today. She was tomorrow.
She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower,
the flitting shadow of an elf owl.

We did not know what to make of her.
In our minds we tried to pin her to corkboard like a butterfly,
but the pin merely went through
and away she flew.
- Jerry Spinelli

Please view me in Firefox.

To quote from Wikipedia:
Pete Seeger explains in one recording, "it refers to an old legend down there, [about] their last king [of the Zulus], who was known as Shaka The Lion. Legend says, Shaka The Lion didn't die when Europeans took over our country; he simply went to sleep, and he'll wake up some day."


... I found out that the song is about a paper dragon outfit made by a man for his son, fixed together with sealing wax & strings.
No, not that kind of a date. We're doing better than ever and I'm most certainly not on a rebound lol.

Jan 8, 2010.
Save it :)
So while preparing our homemade bbq sauce tonight, Jake motioned me to check out what he was doing. Puzzled, I saw him pouring some honey into a bowl, nothing special.

Nothing special until I looked closer that is, he drew:
I ♥ ->

(I was standing on his right hand side)
Guess what's on sale at HauteLook.com?

Herve Leger!
Herve "sexy wonder dress" Leger.
Herve "I WANT KIM KARDASHIAN'S ASS" Leger.
Herve "fifteen hundred dollars" Leger.
HERVE "I CANT BELIEVE THAT THEY HAVE MY SIZES ON SALE" LEGER

Allow me some room to hyperventilate please.
Here's some screen saver meanwhile:



*deep breath*
Now. Since it's HauteLook and it's an exclusive, private, invite-only sale, they can afford somehow to drop the price to a mere $500ish a pop. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THAT'S SOME THOUSAND DOLLARS SAVING A DRESS! AND IT'S HERVE LEGER!

What's the problem now, you ask? Jake and I, well me for the most part, are trying to achieve financial independence (he's been doing it since he was 15), so no more blowing dear Daddy's sallary on a dress, no matter how good I think it'd make me look. Ha. What a vain and self centered daughter I've been.

Oh well. Guess that I'm not the only one, there are 14 hrs left to the sale and barely any dress has been sold out. Yay for economic ruin! Perhaps at this rate, it'll be a buyer's market soon... and they'll slash down the price to $250 each, and... and... I shall conquer the world!


Remember my last post?

Awareness, that is acknowledging a state of being, it turns out, is the key to a change of perspective that only with it could spring forth a genuine change of behavior. And a liberation, in my case, from such severe self-denial that I have indeed been a lazy, self-pitying human being. A combination that in itself is a double whammy; you can't help but see yourself as a sorry case of existence and knowingly or otherwise shove yourself into an eternal loop, choosing to wallow in self pity, all too lazy to brace a change. Cause of course, the smallest morsel of logic would shine a light down the path that, hey, maybe the problem with the world isn't the world; it's you.

Andre, my Ph.D wielding pastor, has been talking these past few weeks with regards to the programming of our mind (for those quoting Rm 12:2, hush & read on... please? :D). What is a program? Let's first begin with a computer application, which no doubt is the first thing our mind darts to upon recognition of the word programming. A program is crafted with conditional commands. For the sake of a clean, short and sweet explanation, I apologize to all ye almighty programmers out there for this gross condensation of an entire Programming 101 class.

Conditional statements are made of three simple words: "if", "then", "else".

If (condition) Then
(statements)
Else
(statements)
End If

In English it means that "if" a certain condition is fulfilled, the program would proceed and execute what follows the "then" statement in a smooth rational operation. If the condition isn't fulfilled, the program would execute the statement specified in "else". There is no room for maybe, there is no room for anything but robotic precision.

Now we all have these programs, constantly running in our subconscious just like these if-then statements run behind the scene. When we touch something hot, our reflexes would dictate us to yelp out & scram. When we see someone obese, we brand them as non-attractive (brownie points to you smartie pants out there, just like this example, programming is NOT universal). When we see our sad, sorry state, we express our disgust through the means of a Change. Be it a change in our state of mind (well, it isn't that bad, really, cause after all, ...) or a change in the roots of it all: our behavior.

The latter, can be achieved by two means. The first is a violent self-change that we are all so used to. It comes in waves that reaches its crest and dissipated in the troughs. It's emotionally driven and is inconsistent. If it succeeds, it would lead to pride and the condemnation for others who fail. If it fails, bitterness would rips apart your self-esteem that in tandem would discourage any further change.

Means numero dos, on the other hand is by grace. Since grace is given and can't be achieved it takes away the condemnation from ourselves. Changes are no longer a test of will power. Wait, I take that back, will power and perseverance is still crucial, except that when you're all low and deprived, you gotta remember to ask for more. You acknowledge your state of being, and that you're not good enough to generate change on your own, so you ask from a greater Being than yourself and it shall be given to you. All you have to do is receive.

Really, I'm writing this more to myself than anything.


Drawing back to my first sentence, what's wrong with my last post you ask? What's the use of thoughts if no one knows about it?

Phoebe Pauline Valentine Kribben Sugiharto 朱宝玲, B.S.
110888
Eldest of 3
UCSD Psychology, class of 2008
University of Cambridge, King's College, summer of 2007
TKSS, class of 2004
ICHS, class of 2006, left on 2001
San Diego, California

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